I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His hands were made for my vagina.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
