Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
