dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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