i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
