You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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