He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
