I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize