He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
