she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
