I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
