i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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