Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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