There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
