yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
