When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it because I queefed?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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