i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
