Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
