fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
