Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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