what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
