I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
