It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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