Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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