I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
