those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
