I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
