my phone needs a breathalizer
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it's great music for shaving your balls
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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