how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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