She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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