apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
