Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
