he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
