She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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