My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My vagina just clenched in fear
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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