She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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