I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
operation harelip BJ is a go
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
