I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
two words...techno handjob
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
