Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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