A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is wine microwaveable?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
do nipples grow back?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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