the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
