so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
