If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
