Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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