I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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