My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
