Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
