So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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