cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I will be naked everywhere
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
