and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
