I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD