saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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