my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think i have herpe
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ