If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
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woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.