I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
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I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think people are normalizing furries