He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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