He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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