I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
