Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
