Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
