you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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