I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
